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:icondelphinusw:

~DelphinusW

Christian, though I'm not
About Me Member Procrastinator DelphinusW20/Male/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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I am a robot.

Sun Nov 26, 2006, 5:33 PM
I'm no longer an artist, I think. If there were an official ministry that took note of these things, it'd probably be on record by now.

Nothing inspires me anymore. All this empiricism is bringing me down, and yet for some reason I embrace it. Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment (or a sadistic sort of morale plague), but there's this inherent rightness in logic that I can't seem to turn away from. Even when I attempt art -- "art" as a conscious effort ("Let's create art!") -- it comes off as pretentious.

Art feels pretentious. Questioning art feels pretentious. Both the left and the right feel pretentious, for different reasons. Fuck, even the concept of blogging is pretentious to some extent. Should I just sod the second-guessing altogether? It's a part of my life's methodology, you see, although perhaps I'm just jaded.

Then again, maybe the very aesthetic of logic and causality appeals to my artistic sense of beauty -- science as the grandest work of art and all that. It's either a) terribly conceited of humanity for applying a paltry human concept like art (however all-encompassing within human culture it may be) to such a wide scope, or b) terribly assumptive of us to assume that a greater power is at work sculpting these things to Its own artistic fancy. Still, on the surface it's a very attractive reconciliation.

Can an artist disbelieve in such things as altruism, love, and the soul? Not out of experience or lack of evidence, but rather a simple working knowledge of human nature? As an artist, I feel obligated to romanticism. As myself, I feel given to logic.

I convinced a friend recently of how paying attention to the man behind the curtains reveals the tawdry logical processes at work that drive such things as altruism, love, and other basic human emotions. I explained how these nebulous, grandiose processes could be broken down into chemicals and numbers, putting us in touch with a greater understanding of how the world works. I'm fine now, so I expected her to be fine, too. She waxed suicidal, for a time.

A morale plague, as I said before.

And then, I asked myself... "She's not okay. Am I? Have I simply desensitised myself to this life? How healthy has it left me?" In a moment of hopeless introspection, I asked my friend if I was even human. She told me that in many ways, I was not. I'm inclined to agree. In a bitter sort of irony, I dream of a transhumanistic future. In my case, would it be as simple as placing an organic robotic mind within a bionic shell?

But then... Do I even create art anymore? Do I even feel art? No? Well, I suppose that solves that.

---

Bah. Blogs are meant to be more petty than this, I think. Um... The Burger King games for the Xbox are surprisingly fun. At $3.99, you can't go wrong. That is all.

  • Mood: Neutral
  • Listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers - 21st Century
  • Reading: my Bardic entry, then deleting it
  • Watching: a text world scroll on by
  • Playing: said aforementioned text world
  • Drinking: Mountain Dew: Code Red

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Devious Info

  • Current Residence: 35797 Challenger Deep - Mariana Trench, Pacific Ocean
  • Interests: Achaea, fast food mascots, giving pop culture references a place in my happy in-joke universe
  • Favourite movie: End of Evangelion, most Tim Burton movies
  • Favourite band or musician: System of a Down, The Pillows, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Killers
  • Favourite genre of music: cats running on styrofoam
  • Favourite poet or writer: H. P. Lovecraft
  • Favourite photographer: David LaChapelle
  • Operating System: Windows XP Professional
  • MP3 player of choice: Windows Media Player 9.0
  • Shell of choice: camper
  • Wallpaper of choice: I have paneling in here.
  • Skin of choice: potato skin
  • Favourite game: Achaea, Dreams of Divine Lands
  • Favourite gaming platform: Xbox, PS2, PC (if just for zMUD and Achaea)
  • Favourite cartoon character: Sean Connery
  • Personal Quote: "Go you! You get a Sacagawea dollar!"
  • Tools of the Trade: Photoshop 7.0, 0.5 mm mechanical pencil, Pilot Precise fine tip pen, Achaea, hands, Scrooge McDuck

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Comments


Rawr!

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"Anyway, if you stop tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead, they might try sorting it all out while they're alive."
-Terry Pratchett/Neil Gaiman, Good Omens
"Reading: my Bardic entry, then deleting it"

One thing that caught my eye, and I laughed to myself. I write things and yeah I'm like why the hell did I write that to begin with. Sometimes when I write stuff and read it later I am amazed how horribly dramatic it seems and yeah like you said above... pretentious.

Like I will write something and a week later--no, a few minutes after, I will wonder what the hell I was thinking. Delete.

You seem like a really obsessive person, perhaps a bit compulsive? Are you a recovering christian? Yeah, I climb that already.
Recovering? I wouldn't say that. I paid lip service to everyone's favourite imaginary friend up until about seventh grade, but I was never exactly the religious sort.

--
[link] <--- Illustrated map of Sapience - updated regularly
Hey Delph,

It's Antreus ;)

I was just reading what you wrote and your a very beautiful writer and quite honestly addressed a lot of how I myself feel about quite a lot of things--but I always knew we thought similar anyways.

Have a nice day.
Someday I hope to achieve what you have. It's a wonderful cornucopia of splendid serendipity. My momma used to tell me to eat my vegetables. In retrospect, I wish I would have. Then I would have been as strong a robot artist as yourself. But at least I am still better at dancing the robot!
Go delphi Go! Now seek & destroy Morgoth in Vanilla angband or hengband(japanese version) :) PS(find de one ring if u can) ;p

--
Committee: a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

@_@ We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. >_<
Hey Delphinus!

I just thought I'd start posting some of my artwork too. See you!
Oh no! We're all doomed! I've finally fallen into this trap! What ever shall we do?

How about I bug the hell out of you? That's probably the only thing I am good at...

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Open source the world!

"If I had rcon to the world, I'd turn alot of things off..."
Nice gallery :+devwatch:

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:eyepopping:Im not crazy, cause I take the right pills:eyepopping:

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